Football’s opening day!! The Bills vs. The Jets!! New York vs. New York! It’s like a civil war up in here. Brother vs. Brother. Yankee vs. Yankee. The Ultimate battle between…….The Bills and The Jets! And just think, today is just the beginning, we’re in for a whole new season of games, players, costumes, sponsors, rivalries, junk food, you name it! I’m pretty excited.
I missed the beginning of the game because I was trying to refill the ice tray with water but the Brita pitcher leaked all over my kitchen floor and I had to wipe up the spill. Normally I’d just leave the puddle there for nature to absorb it back into the air but my in-laws are visiting and I’m pretty sure my step-father-in-law witnesses the spill, I don’t want to come across like a sloppy mess!
Sanchez is over the middle! Sanchez is the Jets’ QB. Mark Sanchez. I wonder how nervous these guys are on opening day. Is it like the first day of school? Do they have fresh new uniforms. I could never sleep the night before my first day of school. Anxiety! You should know that the first quarter is almost done and the Jets already have a TD.
Tim Tebow is on the Jets this year. He transferred. Maybe he was being bullied too much on the Broncos.
Jet 84, Stephen Hill, stumbles into the t-zone. Wow, the Jets have another touchdown! The score is BUF 0 to NYJ 13, 2nd quarter.
So a little bit about me, this is my first football game I’m watching as a mom! I had a baby three weeks ago! I didn’t get to hike the baby to the doctor though, I had to have a c-section. My little baby turned out to be as breech as they come. So no football playing for me for a while! (On account of the massive abdominal surgery I had three weeks ago.) But my baby is pretty great. I wonder what team she will be into. I’m pretty much into the Packers, I’m from WI. Mike (my husband) is into the Bills, he’s from Western NY. Ellie (our dog) is an Eagles fan, she’s not from PA, but loves eagles. But my baby is from Los Angeles…no real home teams. Maybe she’ll like that one from San Diego? I’m curious to see which team she gravitates towards as the season progresses.
The shade of blue in the Bills’ uniforms is really great. It compliments a lot of skin tones.
Some penalty happened. Ref #36 is really milking his ruling, he must not get a lot of stage time. He ends up giving the ball to the Jets and Jet 11, Jeremy Kerley takes it all the way to the t-zone!! Another touchdown! I can’t believe it. And they made the kick too. More points. Kerley does a funny chicken dance. He should be a Bluth!
My baby is dreaming about football. I like to put her near the tv so the crowd sounds will act like white noise. Get her used to being in loud and large arena type situations. By the time she grows up it will be like the Hunger Games so it can’t hurt to prepare her auditorily.
The announcers are talking about someone named Santana Moss, he sounds like an enchanted elf. I just googled him, he’s not a wood elf he’s a player for the Washington Redskins.
Oh no Bills 22, Fred Jackson is down! He gets hit in the thigh pretty hard.
Jets 24, Darrelle Revis said in an interview that he’s all about messing up people’s timing and rythm at the line of scrimmage. Good strategy Revis, now you just need to change your name, Revis sounds terrible. This guy is way too handsome to be named Revis. Sounds like Regis Philbin’s poor twin brother.
Touchdown Buffalo 28, CJ Spiller! Finally, they’re on the board.
BUF 7 JETS 21
My favorite part about football is when they are in motion. It looks pretty cool when they’re all running around and then rolling around on the ground. It just takes them so long to reset everything. Maybe they play music when you’re actually there, because it feels like if there was some Hans Zimmer going on you could actually tell a pretty cool story.
That Fruit of the Loom commercial where the guys is doing flips in his underwear is up my alley. I like people who tumble effortlessly. It’s poetry in motion. Throw some Hans Zimmer on top of those flips and you got a stew going. Can you tell I’m excited for the return of Arrested Development?
Fred Jackson is heading to the locker room. Man to be injured on opening day must blow. Do you still get paid if you don’t play?
Pile up, the refs are soooo into breaking it up. Referees are like needy parents at a sleepover, always finding a way to check in on you. Jets 23, Shonn Greene gets to keep the ball. The announcers are ragging on the Bills’ defense. Burn Bills! But let’s back up for a second, the guy’s name is Shonn? Is that like a creepy version of Sean? What happened to Shawn? My instincts are telling me I hate Shonn. Although, he is #23 and that’s my favorite number, so he can’t be all that bad…right?!
Tony Sparano is the Jets’ coach or at least he’s holding their clipboard. He looks like a questionable fellow.
Sanchez gets pulled out so that Tebow can get in the game a little bit. The announcers are like, “aw that sucks for Sanchez, that he does all the work then Tebow comes in at a critical point.” I’m paraphrasing. Is Tim Tebow sorta more famous than other players because he’s good, because he’s Christian, because he wrote a book, because he’s a QB or because when he smiles it warms your heart? Maybe a combo of all of those?
Tebow throws to Kerley who catches it but is out of bounds so it’s not a first down.
The Coors Light commercial where the cool guy grabs the sun, then throws it into a tunnel and then a Coors Light train comes out…yeah, that commercial seems pretty far fetched. I mean the train doesn’t even stop! How do all the people get Coors Light if there wasn’t even a safe hand off area designated?
Now this was an interesting play. CJ Spiller drops it, then Jets 37 picks it up and bolts. All the players dive on top of each other as 37 zig zags through the crowd. This is when they need to scratch Hans ZImmer and play silly public domain music. Well it turns out that the play is under review because they don’t know if CJ Spiller clearly had it. And they ruled that he did, so that crazy zig zag counts! But you know what is the creepiest part?! There is no Jets #37! I just checked the roster! So either a ghost made that play or I misread the number on the back of the blouse. I’m leaning towards the ghost explanation because even though I have terrible eye sight I would never admit to it.
21 seconds until half time! Mark Sanchez is chatting up Tony Sparano. They have quite a chummy relationship. Sanchez might just be sucking up so they don’t “Tebow” him too much this year.
Jets 10, Santonio Holmes almost made a TD but flew out of bounds before he touched the t-zone. They played his fall backwards and he looked like that Fruit of the Loom guy!
Wait a minute! The Jets have 27 points all of the sudden! But that TD didn’t count! Okay- I’ve been informed that if you get a fourth down you can have the option to kick a field goal. And the Jets did two of those so that’s where the points came from. Mystery solved! Speaking of which there’s a new Sherlock (not Santonio) Holmes show with Lucy Liu as a sexy My Dear Watson. Fascinating. I wonder if I care.
Half Time! Sponsored by Verizon Wireless! It turns out that I have Verizon. They’re okay. They’re waaaaaaaay better than at&t so… at least I don’t have at&t.
I gotta say all of the Sons of Anarchy commercials are making me want to give that show another shot. I watched the first handful of episodes and it was okay. I think I like the world it takes place in better than the actual plot lines. Same as Game of Thrones. Same as most stylized shows. Except Downton Abbey, I like the plots of that all right. But man, Katey Sagal looks so badass in SOA! I should watch it just to watch her. She’s pretty awesome in general but on that show she looks outstanding. She looks like an X-Men card. I know because I used to collect them. The X-Women were always my favorite. I always wanted to be one. They were so beautiful and strong and could fly. Triple threats.
Okay had to take a break from the game to nurse. To nurse MY BABY THAT I HAVE NOW! It looks like when I was gone the Bills scored again. But the game must not be that exciting because when I emerged from my bedroom Mike and my step-father-in-law were not really watching the game anymore. They were both reading the infant car seat manual.
BUF 14 NYJ 41 Whoa! Opposites! There should be some sort of alarm that goes off randomly and if it goes off the scores switch. 13:54 left in the 4th quarter. I’m glad this game is broken up into quarters. Makes it easier to break down.
Personal Foul! I think it’s on a Jet 30, LaRon Landry. David Nelson, a Bill is down on the ground. Man, opening day and these Bills are getting picked off real fast!
Rex Ryan is another NYJ coach. He is the locker room coach. I think that’s what the announcer said. Now Revis is being taken off of the field by guys with ties. Not Men in Black style ties more like Father’s Day brunch style ties. But he might be in trouble for grabbing Spiller’s leg? That’s the clip they’re showing.
Jets 98, Quinton Coples has a weird skin thing…wait no! Oh God he’s been branded!! Holy shit that looks horrifying! Oh no Quinton! Why?! Why!!? It’s all raised and nasty. I can’t handle this. I am really into tattoos but branding?! That’s like a whole nother level of barf-worthy bod-mod that should not be a thing. If you want to be different just grow your hair out like Clay Matthews or something. BUT BRANDING?! No. Cover that shit up. Listen to your mother. And by your mother I mean the mother of my baby, me.
Bill 19, Donald Jones got the ball and skipped into the TD. Sweet, the Bills’ might have a chance. Apparently they have a reputation for making amazing come backs. They also have a reputation of sucking, hard. At least they don’t have a reputation for getting BRANDED!! Oh Quinton, NO!
BUF 12 NYJ 41 Tightening the gap!
3rd & 12 4th 7:46 Everyone is standing around. Okay- here they go! They’re hopping around annnndddd…pile on! Now they’re all standing around hearing a play or something. Back in action- Bill 21, Leodis McKelvin got the ball and ran pretty darn far!
Tebow looks so weird in green and white. I wonder if the Jets are all super Christian now. If he makes them sing church camp songs when they shower together. If he does I’d like a copy of his song sheets, I forgot the words to a lot of my old church camp songs and it would be nice to be able to sing them to my baby. In or out of the shower.
Incomplete play- Chandler had the ball for a minute. I bet Ross was jealous. OH!!! F.R.I.E.N.D.S. humor! (I might have made that joke last year. I don’t remember.) Why is Friends written like that anyway? Is it an acronym?
That must be what it stands for.
Bill 13, Stevie Johnson got another TD! They must be at the Jets’ field because no one is reacting when the Bills score. Not even the Bills.
BUF 28 NYJ 41 It’s anyone’s game! Their scores could switch at any moment!
Tebow is getting some good high fives from his team mates. Looks like he’s settling in well on account of all the shower singing.
Oh my God it’s hot in my apartment. We don’t have air conditioning and it’s like brutal today. I always associate football with Autumn. It should be crisp and cool and smell like cider. Sweating out of your butthole is baseball weather. That’s one reason I don’t watch baseball. Actually that’s not true. I like baseball, especially going to the games. I love those frozen lemonade cups. I need one of those right now.
The Jets got a TD. Wow! How can they even see who has the ball when they’re all in a jumble like that?
The refs recalled the TD, it was fumbled or something. But now they’re saying it counts again. Man, these refs are just starving for attention!
BUF 28 NYJ 48 That’s like a good job for an opening day performance, or so they say! Good jorb Jets! Better luck next time Bills! There is 1:17 left but everyone is acting like it’s pretty much over. My in-laws are already out the door. Not sure why they’re trying to beat traffic we’re at my apartment not a stadium. Oh well, let the game end!